hOLIDAY bLUES, bLAHS AND BLESSINGS

Grief is a natural response to death and loss. Although it is a response to adverse and sometimes traumatic events in our lives, it can cause the griever emotional, mental, spiritual, and even physical pain. Death and grief are no respecters of person. Regardless of whether the death or loss is anticipated or sudden, the pain can be difficult to bear.

Two things that link all humanity are love and grief. It is often said that they are two sides of the same coin. Regardless of our social location, ethnicity or culture, grief is one of the most universal things we will all experience.

Endurance is the key to grief. It does not just go away, and we do not get over it. Grief is a process; it takes time. The process is as unique as your fingerprint; thus, no two people grieve alike even if they are experiencing the same loss.

Grief is not a linear process, and there is no timeframe for how long one will grieve. For some of us it will take longer than it will for others. It ebbs and flows from the highs and lows of every possible emotion. It has no rhyme or reason, but it does keep us dancing to the rhythm of life.

Grief is woven into who we are as we create a new normal and live life differently through our losses. It is important to try to be patient with yourself as well as with friends and family who are grieving. If you try to escape and rush through your grief, in time it only worsens. It is best to allow yourself and others to express those emotions.

As Christians, our faith does not exclude us from feeling the pain of grief. There are many Biblically examples of death, loss, and grief. Even Jesus grieved. Grieving itself is Biblical and does not negate our faith.

1 Thessalonians 4:13 reminds us that we do not have to grieve as those who have no hope. Yes, it is possible to grieve and hope simultaneously. It is possible to live in the pain of grief and maintain the hope of glory. It is the mystery of life and loss … to live in the moment of joy and sorrow in the same breath, the joy of the memories, the pain of the absence. It is the chaos of the emotional roller coaster with the peace that surpasses all understanding … the exchange of mourning for dancing and sorrow for joy. Whether in joy or pain, this is where we as Christians place our hope and faith.

Faith allows us to move forward at our own pace. It reminds us that there is hope as God comforts us, heals our pain, and allows us to take refuge in Him. Our hope and faith give us peace in the midst of our tears, heaviness, anguish, anger, and distress.

Initially it will seem like the dark days will never end. As you go through the darkness death and loss brings, you will eventually see light, which will restore your strength. No doubt, there will be tears. Each day will be different. Embrace the emotions each day brings. Hold on to the hope that God will comfort you and wipe every tear from your eyes.

Grief does not disappear on holidays and special occasions. In fact, the holidays can exasperate grief. The love for those who have died often appears heightened during the holidays as well as on milestones and special occasions. The remembrance and reminders of loss can be re-traumatizing and can trigger the grief process to sneak up on you and flood your soul with a wave of emotions. During a time that is supposed to be festive, joyful, and celebratory, grieving hearts feel the weight of loneliness, sorrow, and despair.

To get through the holiday season, lean into your grief. Allow yourself to give space to your emotions. Give yourself permission to hold on to old traditions, create new ones or not to celebrate at all. Do what you feel as long as it is healthy and meaningful to you.

Grief is a healthy and normal response to a difficult loss. There is no shame in seeing a grief counselor or seeking support to help you navigate a loss of any sort. Reach out of help:

• If you feel as if your grief is becoming complicated and you cannot seem to move on in a healthy manner.

• If you feel apathetic about a close loss, have delayed, or intentionally avoided the grief process.

• If you feel like your grief is pervasive and is hindering your work or causing an inability to perform everyday tasks.

• If grief is negatively impacting your relationships and becoming problematic in other areas of your life.

• If you start to experience other mental health disorders like depression, anxiety, or psychosis, seek support.

• If you need a safe place to talk, share or just be.

In time you will be able to share the memories, the stories, and the tributes of your loved one or loss. Find hope in knowing that your joy will be restored. In due season, you will find that you can move from the blues and blahs to feeling blessed. Be blessed as you allow others to support, encourage and love you. Be blessed as you rest in the presence of God, as you pray and as you worship. May God grant you peace and

Holiday Blessings!